For those who created big problems inside their own heads and dream big

Remember when you were little and you had those big big big issues which made you believe that nothing else in the world was going to work out? Maybe a discussion you had with your parents, some grades at school that were not good at all, a good friend you've argued with…And suddenly, out of nothing, everything was OK and you had your life back together. You wake up, you walk to work, you call your parents and maybe one thing or another won’t work out the way you’ve planned it, and that is OK. Still, it took me a long time to realise that those "problems" were not actually problems, but eventualities that happen in everybody's life. That kind of situation had happen so many times in my life that I've decided to call myself little Don Quixote, always fighting against my windmills. But I'm figuring out how to find my way out of the flamboyant world I've always created around my problems and I am here to tell you guys HOW.

ps: don't have a Sancho Panza.

Since the begging of the year, when I joined my great friends at Apple Developer Academy, there's been a great distance between what I was expecting to do and what I am actually delivering in my projects. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect to be the next Uber creator or a handful developer. I know the way is long and there are places to go before I consider myself a great iOS developer. But the truth is: I've been finding myself a great piece of mediocrity. And I've figured that out during Crash Course (which is kind of like the whole Dulcinea's plot, because I was always chasing big app ideas that became nothing but lucid dreams).

Just an FYI: Crash Course is a huge moment in Apple Developer Academy. It's the moment we understand the most important elements in apps when it comes to user interaction and interface. And how we learn that? We study one big element during a whole week and our challenge is to develop an app that has these functionality by the end of the week. Table View, Collection View, Quizzes, Swipes…everything that you can imagine inside app development's world, you will find inside one of our apps. And now you ask me: "but Pyettra, how come you felt mediocre doing something so amazing?". Well, I've created my windmills.

My big issue during this six months inside Apple Developer Academy was dealing with insecurities I have and trying to hide them from other people. I have trouble becoming vulnerable, specially when it comes to work and development. I always feel like I must deliver everything I know, even though I don't know it all: and it's OK. Maybe my worst moment happened because I didn't have the guts to ask for help or opinions because, you know, why would someone want to help me? And what if they find out that I am a fraud?? That was me this whole semester. Fighting against my windmill.

Every app I made during Crash Course felt like I was losing myself. I really wanted to develop apps that weren't just basically organised information, I wanted to get creative and help people. For every app I've made, I've felt myself a little more vain and shallow. Gosh, I want to make a great difference in the world with app development. Why am I struggling with a table view and user's interface when I should care more about the subject and value my app is delivering? Then I've found out why.

To develop an app is not simply putting yourself out there in front of Xcode and start coding. It takes time, study and, most of all, patience. I've made the mistake to overthinking stuff and created more problems — imaginary ones. And I couldn't think of great solutions because I was in that place: wanting to chase big app ideas, being stuck in a mediocrity spot, frustrating myself after delivering something that was not thaaaat spectacular (again, my windmill). I wanted to do it all, by myself, and deliver life impact. After all, the only think I've actually published was a quiz about menstruation (I'm actually really happy with that one, I'm just complaining because that's just me).

For the next semester, I've decided to let myself be vulnerable. I don't have to be strong all the time, I don't have to know it all. And to take my challenges with more self care and expectation's levels that doesn't frustrate me by the end of the week. I don't have to create big adventures in my head when it comes to app development because being inside Apple Developer Academy already is a big adventure. With all the support Apple and my friends have been given me, I shouldn't and I won't feel afraid to ask for assistance and feedbacks. Everything feels so much lighter when I remind myself that I am growing inside a judgement free zone. But still, someone once said to me that "growing hurts" and I'm taking that as a motto till my last day as an "academer". Until death, it is all life (thanks, Cervantes).